Break ups

Why do people think break ups are complicated? It’s quite simple really. A break up is when at least one person doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. It’s just that straight forward. A break up shouldn’t be when you guys fight and can’t compromise, or that you think you’ve fallen out of love. It’s when you choose not to be together, that’s it, there are no “complications”. But I guess people like to linger on the reason why people break up. This to me seems like a waste of time. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes, it’s good to know the reason for the break up, maybe to get some closure and to easily accept the circumstance, but for the most part, the reason seems to be pointless because when people break up, it’s over and not even the reason for it would matter.

Maybe I’m just too output oriented to see its importance but I have my reasons. Well first, the reason behind the break up is irrelevant to the situation; well not unless you still go after the person. But if you want to move on, what happened in the past is irrelevant, what you need to know are the things you can do for the future and not linger on why the past failed. The things that should matter is how you move on with your life, where do you start and where you want to get to. The path ahead is more important than where you’ve been. I mean, yes, where you’ve gone affected who you’ve become but that’s it, your history defined who you are now, but it shouldn’t define what you want to become.

Next, it doesn’t change anything. Knowing the reason behind a break up will not change the fact that it happened. So what if there was a third party, so what if it’s your attitude, the question is so what? You broke up, knowing the reason will not change that. It would just be a waste of your time and your tears. I would just make you want to blame either yourself and other people and that will not be productive. Accepting the situation is more important that trying to explain why you’re in the predicament in the first place.

Lastly, it will not help you move on. Some people say in order to move on from something, you need to understand why it happened. And maybe that’s right. But some people focus so much on the why it happened that they get stuck on that. I think knowing the reason will just make you more glued to the situation. What you need to realize is that it’s a bad enough situation as it is and you need to take yourself away from it as soon as you can and that would be difficult if you linger on the idea of the break up.

I guess most people linger on the idea is because they still hope to get back together which maybe the case but not all the time. Maybe if you’re the one left standing, you want to know the reason why a person you love left you. People would always think the reason someone left them is because they didn’t do the right things, or they didn’t give it enough or that they could still change. Rejection from the relationship would always make us feel empty and I guess that’s why we are always left wondering why it happened. But to me, what a person needs to focus after a break up isn’t if they did enough or if they should’ve changed for the person. I think what a person should focus on after a break up is not why it happened but what you do after it happens. Sometimes we feel so stuck in the past that we fail to move forward and that’s just wrong. The past can never be changed, regrets will always be regrets, they will always become bye gones but the decisions we make after that can still matter, it can still change what is going to happen. And that is the beauty of things; the end of something will be the beginning of something else.

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