Relationships and expectations. I guess when these two words are put together in a statement; it will always end into some sort of collision. Whether we admit it or not, we can never enter into a relationship, a good one at least, without any expectations. This is because if you care about something, it’s impossible not to expect anything from it. And no one enters into a relationship without any regard for the person or the relationship, because if you do that, what’s the whole point?
People have different kinds of expectations. We expect ourselves to act in a certain way and expect the same from our partner. We expect that our partner would make us feel a certain way, treat us a certain way and give us certain things. We also expect that the relationship would be in a specific way and go a certain direction.
I guess this is where it all goes downhill; because people that go into a relationship have different levels of expectations in order for it to make them happy and that difference in the level of expectations between people will always create problems. It is hard to find the right balance of outlook in a relationship because everyone has a different perspective; how you value things, how you react and how you treat situations will vary from one person to another. You can never guaranty that the other person will see things the way you do, the most you can say is that they understand where you are coming from.
Maybe that’s why people choose not to have “expectations”. They always say that “I just want to enjoy the company and expect nothing from it”. I think this kind of thinking is sad because why be in a commitment if you don’t want it to go any further. Why put yourself in a situation where you tie yourself up and not expect to go anywhere. It’s like getting yourself into a car, buckling up and staying there with no intent of going anywhere. I think most people just say this to avoid getting hurt, or in order pretend that they can’t be hurt. They just say it doesn’t matter but to them it does, in order for things not to crumble. But still, in that sense, you can say that a person has expectations because not wanting things to fall apart means you expect things to go smoothly. I guess the problem would always be that expectations results to complications, and in any relationship, complications become problems, and in a lot of times, these things cause everything to fall apart. I guess the people who say they don’t have any expectations are just bitter because it is easier to expect nothing than expect at all, or you can lower your expectations so that we can sure they can be met.
But expectations shouldn’t be purely negative. People should realize that without expectations, a person would become indifferent towards the relationship and that kind of relationship will never flourish. People should think that if a person expects something, it’s actually good, because it shows that a person cares about something enough to want it to go somewhere. A person angry is better than a person who is not because at least the person who is arguing shows that they care enough to fight and want to fix things, because if they just shrug and say it’s alright, then that means they don’t care, and that believe me, is never good for a relationship.
To some extent, I can say it’s alright to have expectations from a relationship because it shows concern. It shows that you are willing. It shows that you want to be in the relationship. Because that’s the point of a relationship right? To be together? I think the problem is not that we have expectations themselves, but it is that we expect the wrong things. I think expectations are only bad when we ask for unreasonable things, or make unreasonable demands. That’s when our expectations fail us.
I think we just need to change what we expect from our expectations in a relationship. I think we should say, we expect to be together, we expect to love and trust each other and we expect to make things work despite the circumstances. That’s it. So don’t be scared of any expectations, because like most things in life, you just have to balance it out.