In Between

I’ve never seen much miracle in the existence of human life, I guess to me, the best way to relate my opinion is how Dr. Manhattan sees life on earth, and I quote, “In my opinion, the existence of life is a highly overrated phenomenon. A live human body and a deceased human body have the same number of particles. Structurally there’s no difference.” And that’s how I see life, or maybe how I saw it before.

A close friend of mine passed away very recently, I want to think we were close since back in college we used to goof around whenever we have the same classes together or when we pass each other by the university corridors. I’ve always remembered him laughing out loud because of the things that we do and that he was extremely laid back. I knew him as this guy who didn’t have a care in the world and always seemed like he was happy. It was hard to picture him sad because of all the joy that he had, and the good times that we joked around. We were on the same batch back and we graduated at the same time, but the thing is after graduation, I never got to talk to him again. The sad part about it is that the next news I heard about him after is that he died just the other night.

Well, at first, it kind of hard to believe that someone you knew passed away. It’s hard to make the fact sink in that they are no longer a walking talking breathing conscious being living on this planet. Because every detail that you remember about them still seem so vivid when you try to look back on how they were when they were still alive. Every time they laughed, every time they called your name, every time you bumped into them is so real that the fact that they no longer could be that person seems to be unreal. But it is, and after seconds and moments, you begin to realize that the person you’ve known is already gone, and that’s when I realized that yes, the miracle of life may not be as miraculous as I see it to be, but what you do with your life is.

I guess I was wrong when I thought that the existence of human life isn’t special because I was merely looking at the actual existence of life. I thought that the beauty of life would come from the actual existence of it, but now, I’ve come to realize that it is so much more. I used to see life as three big stages, you’re born, you live then you die. That’s it. I think that a person has no other purpose in living other than just actually living. But that in itself is what makes life seem like such a miracle. To be able to live in between those big events is such a beautiful thing whether or not it is significant.

All of us will experience those three big stages, the differences in our existence lies in between, on what we do, who we touch and what we make of that time. The sad part is that not all of us get the same amount of time in between the beginning and the end, and it is up to us how to make the time in between count.

I’m not sure how old he was, but I would guess he’d be older of at least a year. He’s still pretty young considering that we’ve only been out of college for a little over three years. When his death first sinked in, the first thought that came to my head is that he was too young to die. He had so much promise and too many things that he could still do that he could no longer do now because his life ended, and that seems too harsh, it seemed too unfair. People came up to me and said, that’s life, you just have to let things be, and I know they are right, but it’s really hard to swallow that fact.

I guess there’s no point in being sad about it, or crying about it, the loss of his life will not alter the universe in any way, but the fact that he lived touched my life, and that to me is something significant. I mean, you meet a lot of people in your life, but there are only a few people you would remember and to me, he’s one of those people. He may not have had a very long time living, but I guess in that short amount of time, he made an impact in me. He may not be here by now but I do believe he continues to live on with the people who know him and the memories he made with people will continue his life even though he’s not physically here.

Another thing I’ve come to realize after his death is that you shouldn’t save things for later because you will never know when your time will be up. Take those risks and live up your life today, live in the present and not in the hope of tomorrow.

This is dedicated to Philip, dude, you were one hell of a seat mate back in college, I know you won’t be able to read this now and I regret not keeping in touch after graduation, but even though you have stopped living in real life, your memories will always be with me.

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